An Icelanders Indian Memories

My Worst India Moment(s)
On my way home to The City Beautiful I took a Sleeper Bus fro Udaipur to Delhi. Ofcourse my bunker bed was the ONLY one not to have curtains. So, ofcourse, the lovely Indian men sleeping around me all had their curtains open for the view. I turned to the window and tried to ignore it and sleep.

In the middle of the night, I woke up to something stroking my butt. I decided someone had been passing by and accidentally bumped into me (now, after all this time in India, don´t ask me why I gave these Indians the benefit of the doubt).

A few seconds later, I got stroked a second time. I realized it was no accident. So, when the third stroke came, I rushed up and saw an Indian jump behind the curtains of his bunker bed across the hallway.

I opened the curtains and started yelling “Excuse me, excuse me” at the man who lay there pretending to be fast asleep. After a few loud “Excuse me´s” he pretended to wake up with a confuzed expression on his face. Pathetic! I screamed a few well-picked words in Hindi, but seeing as I had been working with children during my traineeship, my vocabulary was limited to colours, animal names and such. In the end (as I usually did with the children) I made him apologize: “Bollo: Sorry – Bollo: Sorry”. What an asshole!

The story is not finished! After a whole night on the bus, I took a bus from Delhi to Chandigarh, ran some errands in Sector 17 and 35 and took a rickshaw back home to the traineehouse. Now, when I took of my clothes to take a shower, I noticed a BIG hole in the back of my trousers. YES, the Indian gentleman had been cutting a hole in my trousers when I was sleeping. And, I had walked around Delhi and Chandigarh with my underwear showing the whole day.

Amazing Indian Men

My Best Indian Moment
Oddly enough, I had to think for a while before I could find a good moment from India... most of my memories seem to involve harassments of one sort or another.

I will give my “Best Indian Moment” to my favorite stalker: Narinder Singh “The Guardian of Tourists”. As I´m sure many of you did, I had the pleasure of bumping into him quite often.

He had the best explanation to why Indian men think they are “all that”. They concider themselves to have very large Johns. So large in fact, that us western women would much rather be with an Indian man than one of our own. Now, I never experienced an Indian John during my stay. Obviously a grave mistake. Can anyone vouch for this?

Amazing Indian Confusion

Funniest Indian Moment
In the beginning of my traineeship there were about thirty trainees around. Someone had heard of a circus coming to town and we all baught tickets. I hadn´t had much experience with India or Indians at that time, so I went, expecting a circus – a real circus.

Dear lord! It was the most awful entertainment.

There was a man on stage making his dogs roll over for ten minutes.

A girl lay on the ground and an huge elephant layed on top of her. I would have been more disgusted if it hadn´t been for the ridiculous giant advertisement for “Mandir Taylors – Suits and Sarees” hanging over the elephants back which kept my attention.

The best moment was when twenty girls came to the stage holding flags. They walked around in circles for five minutes, without doing so much as waving one flag.

All this, and more, went on to the most hilarous music. Repeatedly they´d play Circus-versions of The Beatles “Hey Jude” and Phil Collins “Groovy Kind of Love”.

Amazing Indian Entertainment